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| *T Money |
I did the best I could with this one. And no, I’m not referring to the writing of this blog post. I’m talking about Thomas Michael Markeson, the full name I use when I am annoyed with my little brother and conveniently also the name I use when I want to get him to do me a favor. His other sister, Sara, and I had Thom wrapped around our little fingers growing up. In fact, Thom can owe his current success to both of us (mainly me), because we saved our misguided brother from the life of a thug and from walking down a very dark and glittery path. More about that later.
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| *Yes that's underwear on Thom's head - so he looks like Spiderman. |
You all regale Thom with being such a great dentist (let’s wait to judge until our teeth prematurely fall out based on Thom’s advice), great son (you all read my mom’s post, right? great son indeed!), great brother (my numerous scars from fighting tell otherwise, and being hit in the stomach with a frozen loaf of bread was completely unwarranted), great boyfriend (Caitlin, have you heard how loud Thom snores?), and great man (well, 29 is technically OOOOOLD, but Thom is so far from manly, don't let that patch of animal he’s allowed to live on his face fool you, that we have to use the term “man” loosely). However, Thom didn’t start out with such greatness. I worked very hard to mold him into what he is today. As for the other miracles I couldn’t work (magic does have its limits), we have no choice but to blame it on Thom’s vulgar appearance and inherent inadequacies.
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| *Thom was trying to fix the holes in his nose with a band-aid. |
For example, did you know Thom wanted to grow up to be a girl? Great aspirations! And for that, you’re welcome Thom. You see, Thom had 2 amazing older sisters as mentors and some pretty amazing female cousins. Thom would get so jealous when we dressed up in our fancy hats, gloves and purses and painted our nails bright colors. He would beg and plead and cry for us to do the same to him. We’d tell him, Thom, you need to do manly things. But how could you say no to such a sweet little girly boy? So we complied.
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| *Nice purse Thom. |
For a while, we had an all-girls club at my grandparents that would do girl-oriented things (we called ourselves the Markleberrys). Thom again begged and pleaded to join the ranks of this prestigious society, but really that was going too far, for Thom’s sake. Thom, you can’t be in an all-girls club because it just isn’t right. It was in your best interest to keep you out of that club, but cry you did. You were so dejected that our Uncle Tom (note, Thom and Uncle Tom are in fact related, despite the different spelling of their names) invented the Tom Club (obviously predating the “Tommy” to “Thom” cataclysmic event). However, I guess that still wasn’t good enough. To appease you Thom, on your birthday this year, you finally will be inducted as an honorary member of the all-girls Markleberry club. Your tiara and tutu await.
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| *Geez, put on some clothes. |
I feel confident now, however, that whatever happens in life, Thom is going to be just fine. I must admit it was touch and go for a while with Thom, including stray encounters with police and other authorities and dabbling in the dark arts.
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| *I have nothing to say... |
But I feel good to let him run free, because I’m confident that Thom's strong role model (me) was able to shake him from his misguided ways and give him a solid foundation to become a “man” (I still use the term loosely), and that he will succeed in Seattle and everywhere. Love you Thom and happy birthday!!!! And anytime feel free to throw away those clothes and go wild – you will always have me to bail you out of jail (you’ll just have to find a different lawyer that defends people like you).
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| *Now a fine young man. |
XOXOX – Your older sister (who everyone says looks much MUCH younger than you) Katie
Brenna Olsen
